Making conversation

Author's foreword: Hasn't happened for the longest time that I posted three entries in the same day, maybe playing the great American songbook helps inspiration, maybe not having a date on a Saturday night is fertile ground for writing, whatever.

I should not have this problem, theoretically but I really do. For people whom I do not know well, I usually have difficulty making conversation. This should not be since I am an salesperson and I regularly meet new clients. It simply would not to do just sit down and start talking about my company's services and how we can serve their needs. Imagine sitting down and just firing away:
Salesperson: Can we do anything for you for xxxx?
Customer: Well, we are currently tied up with some operators in this trade. How is your.....
salesperson: What about yyyyyyy?

Well, my sales books teaches me to set the customer at ease first, especially its the first meeting. Usually, some small talk would help. Generally, I do not have problem talking to certain types of people, especially in my work environment where I am wired to be in the "salesperson mode" but when I am off work and in a casual type of environment, this problem surfaces.

A friend told me when she first met me she thought I was shy and in fact she asked another friend if I disliked woman because I seem to have nothing to say to her. These days, I think she has longer taken back her words especially when we get into pointless arguments.

Yet, this is still a problem. I think I am a rather boring person at times, when all I talk about is
1) my work
2) cars
3) videogames
4) woman
with my close friends, we talk endlessly because of one more topic
5) bitch
I am rather ashamed of this but I think if it is at all possible I am a male bitch. I really bitch endlessly with some of my close friends. Like once I was talking with Jean.
Jean: You mean when we were in hall we didn't watch any movies together?
Derek: Nope.
Jean: Then what did we do together?
Derek: Most of the time, either I am in your room bitching, or you are in my room bitching or we are on the phone bitching.
And you don't bitch to people you meet for the first time do you? No wonder I have problems making conversation to strangers and mere acquantainces unless we can talk about work.

Like lately, I went out with a couple of friends who brought another friend along. I had absolutely nothing to say to her. Read: absolutely nothing. This was despite the fact that she is rather attractive (physically at least) and she is the chatty outgoing type. Maybe both of us just found each other and our conversation topics boliao. First time I thought maybe its my jitters (I am after all a rather shy individual) so we met another again, with the same friends. Same thing, it was a torturous evening for me and I believe she would concur. Needless to say, that was the last time we met.

Maybe I am really horrible at social events. I would much rather be at home with my PC, PS2, TV, Hi-fi then go out with strangers. So I am a geek, I think there used to be a study that people who spend more than (I forgot the figure, I just remember I exceeded it by a mile then) x hours a week online or gaming usually have poor social skills. Maybe that explains why I am at home on a Saturday night writing my blog.

Hypothetical questions

You know those questions, questions you throw out when you are
1) bored
2) want to understand the receipient of the question better
3) making conversation
Just questions that gets you thinking, open ended questions that could have any many answers as people replying to them.

Questions like
1) If you have a million dollars (this figure usually goes up in accordance with inflation) what would you do with it?
2) If you are in madly love with this girl and the day before you marry her she tells you she was a man (Richard instead of Rachel, Fabian instead of Faith, Joseph instead of Josephine, Paul instead of Pauline), what would you do?
and of course
3) What would you do if you only have one month to live?

I once posed 3) to a friend and her reply was really classic
"I would slap the people always wanted to slap and then apologize to them, profess my love to the people I had a crush on and then hope I really die cause I would be to embarassed to live any more. "

What about me? If I only had one month to live, what would I do?

Honestly I do not know, as I don't think I am ready to die. There is much that I have yet to do that I always wanted to.
1) I have yet to accompany my mum to Swatow. Background: My grandmother used to visit Swatow when she was still alive with my aunt and other relatives that I have no idea exist until weddings and funerals and I know my mum always had this tug in her heart that she never accompanied my grandmother there. I always wanted to fulfill this desire of my mum's.
2) I have yet to write a novel, which had been a long standing dream of mind
3) I have yet to drive a Maserati
4) I have yet to establish myself in the corporate world
5) I have yet to see the Lakers live in the Staples Centre or Barcelona in the Nou Camp
6) I have yet to make my first million
the list goes on and on
but most importantly, at my funeral, I believe only my mother and maybe a couple of close friends would shed any tears (maybe some people will shed tears of joy). Not that I am a sadist, I like to see people cry (even in death) but my point is I have yet to impact many lives in a manner that my departure will result in a sense of loss for them.
Simply put, I am not ready to die.

A friend of mine told me she asked her boyfriend (at that point in time) if he could tell the world one thing, what would he say. His reply was "I would tell the world about my life." When she told me that I spluttered a reply of "Why in blue hell would he do that? What's the big deal about his life? Is he Jack Welch? Is he Billy Graham? Is he Tiger Woods? Who gives two hoots about his silly mundane, self-absorbed existence?". Well in all honesty, her boyfriend then is my good friend but this excerpt of his life causes me to be rather disinclined to declare any close association with him.

Russ asked me the other day "What would you sacrifice for the one you love?" in all seriousness. After enduring my questions like "Are you planning to elope?" he got my answer, "its all a matter of the payout (I am a bottom line driven salesperson who was academically trained to be an accountant after all), if the payout justifies the sacrifice, short of 1) Renouncing my faith 2) Disowning my parents 3) self-mutilation I probably would do anything. " Well, this story is somewhat longer than this but since its not my story I am not at liberty to reveal further. Just that when our conversation progressed much further I told Russ I hope he will be famous one day if nothing so that I may make money out of writing his biography.

Lazy saturday afternoon

Why does today feel so much like a Sunday afternoon instead? Maybe cos I woke early to attend a seminar and there is no cell group in the afternoon..... So this afternoon definitely has a Sunday feel about it.
As I am penning my completely random spontateous thoughts I am listening to this album "Soul Rose" by Shelly. I have never heard about this artiste before but a couple of weeks ago I was at That CD shop and the lady recommended this album. As she put in on, the crystal clarity of the vocals and the clean acoustic guitar just captivated me. Especially with a good audio system, you just feel as though you are in the studio with the artiste. This is kind of in the vein of Emi Fujita, just the timeless standards and simplistic back-up music but absolutely riveting vocals. Just one little problem, this is an XRCD2 or extended resolution compact disc which according to the sleeve: represents JVC's continuing commitment to the pursuit of digital audio perfection. What? Coupled with the fact that this costs SGD50, I really didn't understand what's the big deal. Even as I was telling the saleslady why high quality recording does not mean much to me as I primarily listen to music on the go via my trusty i-pod, she just continued to play the CD and let the music do the talking.
Needless to say, I eventually agreed with her, shut up and paid up. Even though I feel the CD is way way overpriced, not that my mid-range (i.e. Pioneer and not Denon, Atlas, Marantz et al) set will really show up the difference in the recording quality. Oh well, sunk costs are irrelevant to decision making, not as if I have never squandered money on sillier causes before. :)

The da Vinci deceit

Lately with the movie "the da Vinci code" scheduled (doomed) to open on our shores soon, there has been a lot of advertisements of the movie and of course the source of all the mischief, the book itself. Frankly, this disgust me. Plain and simple, it disgusts me. The movie, the book but even more so the publicity and interest in what is simply a hoax, disgusts me, sickens me. Sadly enough, if you look through any Top 10 bestsellers list, Dan Brown minimally contributes 2 of them.

In all fairness, Dan Brown is a brilliant fiction writer. I read "Angels and Demons" which I found to be a compelling page turner, albeit one peppered with blasphemy masquerading as the 'truth'. Yet its unfortunate that he has chosen to abuse his talents in this manner.

Yesterday, as I was in BOB bookstore, I was looking for some books that would provide historical evidence disputing and refuting the da Vinci code. Then I was reminded that my pastor mentioned before that experts in spotting counterfeit notes are not trained by looking at counterfeit notes and spotting the differences. Rather, they intently study the real notes so they know a fake when they see one. There are very good material out there that demolish the lies established in the da Vinci code so there is little point in me elaborating further on how and why Dan Brown is a fraudster when he claims the novel uncovers facts.

If you have read through the book of Isaiah in particular, you would have found countless prophecies about the Messiah that was fulfilled in the life of Jesus. I don't want to elaborate further as I know many of my close friends do not share my faith and a kind of unwritten rule of my blog was to avoid broaching the subject of religion. Suffice for me to say that the Bible is 100% reliable and God is real. My hope (prayer) for you is that if you didn't know that, you will.

As for Dan Brown, I believe the time will come when people will take his claims in as much seriousness as the accusations hurled by Chee Soon Juan to the PAP. Other's have tried to dispute but the truth prevailed, as it has always done, as it always will.

Attraction

I have long been a believer of love at first sight, or at least attraction at first sight. I always considered that if I do not feel attracted within 20 minutes of seeing the person for the first time, odds are I never will. Interestingly enough, lately I have felt a strange type of attraction upon remembrance, review and reflection rather than physical senses (sight and sound la, in case you have a filthy mind).

It's somewhat uncharted region for me to be constantly thinking of someone whom on first sight I consider physically unattractive, well not exactly unattractive but more accurately unmemorable. Yet........... Certain aspects of her personality, her persona, her intelligence, her kindness seems to add to her charm. "It's the complete package", a phrase that I often exchange with Russ. Of course in previous contexts, its usually a girl who is physically charming and witty, intelligent, kind blah blah blah to boot. You know the Chinese saying "xiang you xin sheng", literally translated as looks are birthed from the heart, now I really believe it. Previously I use this phrase primarily to explain why I do not consider a girl attractive in spite of her physical aesthetics. I never thought I would now be using this in the reverse form.

Don't get me wrong, it's not as if she is ugly or anything. Even on first sight, that is not the case. It's just that she is not the type of girl that typically attracts me, at least physically. Well, okay admittedly I am a tad shallow, contrary to popular opinion (which challenges the 'a tad' rather than the 'shallow'). In fact, the only reason she lingered in my memory initially was due to her occupation. Strange reason, no? Anywayl, stop guessing, she is not a stuntwoman, DJ or some exotic, extra-ordinary profession. Nothing of that sort.

Yet, interestingly enough, even as my mind was previously considering something similar yet different. Okay, to be honest I was thinking of another person. Somehow, the transition is like that of sunset to nightfall, you can't exactly pin-point when or how it happened, yet definitely it happened.

Side-track a bit, the other day my friend was asking me what type of girls do I like
well my reply was
1) intelligent
2) elegant
3) chatty
4) slim
Another friend asked me what are the things that I consider vital in a partner, so i replied
a) can put up with my nonsense
b) I can put up with her nonsense (i.e. not much nonsense for me to tolerate)
c) can get along with my mother
and of course
d) serves the same God that I do

Well, 1-4 seems to be fulfilled. a-c is yet to be uncovered, d) is definitely there.

Just interesting how attraction rears her head in a totally unexpected manner.

Incidentally this post comes to you sponsored by Russ who is putting me up (putting up with me) for the next 2 weeks until I join the wild wild west community.

Cheers

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered

Lately this old standard keeps ringing in my head. Hauntingly beautiful melody, no? Kinda like a sweet yet pensive melody that strikes a chord. Seeing the friends around me behave like lovelorn fools (yes i am talking about you, Mr Woo), I have been listening a bit to the old standards like Sinatra, Astaire. This song in particular never leaves my head.

I’m wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i
Couldn’t sleep and wouldn’t sleep till I sleep where I shouldn’t sleep
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am i

Bewitched-
The initial stage, then again the bewitching took a little longer than expected. Maybe age has caught up with me, my Pentium processor has too much spyware and viruses. Longer lag time than normal. Or maybe, my eyes were fixed elsewhere before that I was not looking in the right manner.

Bothered-
I am having much more concerns than I am accustomed to, I suspect ol' Russ is surprised at my long laundry list of considerations. "A simpering whimpering child again". How apt.

Bewildered-
akan datang

Rants and no rave

I am moving house, again may I add. Then again, considering I stayed at my current place for around 8 months, it's not that surprising based on my current track record. My new lease starts on the 12th of next month but I am moving out this Sun. So for 2 and a half weeks, I am homeless. Well, not really cos Russ has kindly offered me a roof over my head for this interim period while Ray offered storage for my stuff. All the same, I am really cheesed off with that old woman.
DC: I have something to discuss with you, may I move out on the 12th of next month as my new place is only available then.
Old lady (OL): Cannot!
DC: I will pay you for the additional half a month.
OL: Cannot! Why you cannot move out end of this month?
DC: Because the place is only available next month.
OL: Why?
DC: Never mind.
OL: Let me think about it, I tell you tomorrow.

The next day:
OL: I thought about it, you better move out this month.
DC: Okay fine!
OL: Are you working on the 27th (the day my contract ends)?
DC: Yes.
OL: You can move out later, you can move in the night.

I mean, it's not as if she has anything to lose, I am going to compensate her and she has not got any new tenant. She just doesn't like me I guess. I wonder if she is going to rent the place out to some China gal, cos I have been seeing more and more of them in my building.

Whatever it is, I am genuinely appalled by that old woman's attitude. Really stinks man. Thank you Russ and Ray for your kind accomodation in the interim!

15th April 2006

My friend asked if I closed down my blog, considering I had not been blogging consistently for the longest time and very few people still read it. Well....... maybe I should start afresh, start with some theme so I got something to blog more consistently about.

In any case, please visit http://mjewels.blogspot.com and buy something. Please tell the site that you were refered by me. Thanks.

The power of love

Well, not in my life any how. This story isn't about me, its about my friend. I know how people like to relate scandalous/embarassing tales about themselves and claim its about their friend but in this case, it's really about my friend.

Today I had lunch with ol' Russ and another friend. So he was relating the recent 'change' in him, a monumental event that has occured in his life. In short Russ met the ONE. If you have been following my blog (which incidentally I can't think of anyone who would) you would know how I like to talk about the ONE. Up to one month ago, Russ has been rather cynical to the extent of critical about my ONE, thinking that I enjoy the little exercise in futility. Well, let's just say he is more understanding now. Empathy is the exact word.

Previously, my ringtone for him was "Wolf in sheep's skin" by Alan Tam as i felt that no other song is more apt than this. Well, the ringtone has changed as well as over the course of the past month, I am actually convinced for the first time since God knows when that he is for real. A "for real" that may actually be sustainable. Amazing impact. Amazing transformation. Amazing grace, hahahahaha.

Anyway, I was probably the one who laughed the loudest when he first declared that he met the ONE. Paul was probably a close second. Now, seeing the transformation in this man, my laughter has ceased, at least in this respect. I laugh at his love-struck-fool look still. Credit where credit is due though, genuinely he shocked me by how he has really considered so many aspects that one month ago he would refuse to give a serious thought. I used to consider his idea of a long term relationship was one where he can actually celebrate their anniversary. Its as though if you use a timeline to illustrate Russ' life, you can pin this point in his life where you totally divide it. You know like history is divided into BC & AD. As it stands now, it sounds as those Russ' life is like as such.

Being an engineer (by training at least, in reality he is as much an engineer as I am an accountant), Russ is the type who would rather err on the side of conservatism. On this occasion, the manner in which he burned his bridges brings to mind the pre-Han dynasty general Xiang Yu's famous battle of "breaking the pots & sinking the boats". Really do or die, don't ask why. A public declaration of intent has never been his style. As cynical as I initially was, I actually believe he is for real.

The One. Hmmmm, can one person possibly have such an impact on another. I guess its unexplainable unless via first hand experience. In any case, all the best to Romeo here.

cheers