Gender Equality?

Just the other day, I sms-ed my friend asking her out for dinner. Then she replied "OK, are you buying?". To which I replied candidly in the negative. She then proceeded to ignore me. So a few hours later I asked her if we were still meeting for dinner which was met with a curt "Of course not!". At that juncture I merely replied meekly "Ok". She then proceeded to call me and scold me saying that I am not a man because I refuse to buy her dinner. Of course, to her credit she eventually agreed to meet up even though I made my stand clear that it was to be on dutch. Nonetheless, I got the impression that if I had been willing to buy her dinner, she would have suggested some fancy (read: expensive) joint instead.

Now before you ladies start to brand me as a tight-fisted speciment of a non-man, hear me out. I do not have any problem with treating my friends on occasion, but where the frequency reaches a point where its virtual perpetuity, therein lies the problem. Why should a man ALWAYS pay for a woman?

On one hand, we talk about gender equality, that women should be treated on par with man, in the workplace, at home, wherever. Well, I believe talk is cheap, if you want to be treated like an equal, behave like one. In the olden days where women are expected to play a subsidiary role to men, yes, men would pay for the women's expenses simply because women during that time lack the capacity to do so. In fact, Chinese culture used to refer to women as 赔钱货 because women lacked financial independence.

This is all in the past. Women nowadays have every ability to generate income in a manner that is by no means inferior to men. In which case, the expectation that men should flash their cards when the bill comes should be tempered with. If a man is expected to provide entirely for the household as per the olden days, then the woman should be homebound and bear all the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning and other household menial tasks just like the olden days. It is frivolous to talk about gender equality if one picks and chooses the areas where equality is applicable.

Just like as children and even teenagers, we lacked the capacity to provide for ourselves and we depended on our parents for our daily needs. Hence, our parents keep a watchful eye over our activities and spending. As we mature and develop the capacity to provide for ourselves and learn judgement and wisdom, our parents gradually accord us with more freedom. We can't expect as adults that our parents continue to provide for us and yet grant us complete liberty to squander their money. Similarly, the modern and traditional view towards financial provision by men and women should be adjusted accordingly.

I think that while relationships with others should not be viewed transactionally, there is still a balance to be struck. It can't be perpetually one-sided regardless of gender. A lot of my friends brand me as stingy, but I think I am being pragmatic. Years of squandering money just to adhere to meaningless convention has taken its toll and yet little returns have been generated to that end, at least none that have lasted.

So men out there, take a stand. Respect women as equals and if they offer to pay their share, take it.