Being Gay

A girl friend once asked me "You know why we get along so well?". "Er, because I am witty and charming?" "Haha, no lah, seriously. Cos I know there's no way I will fall in love with you! Its like you are my gay best friend or something!" Okay, was that a compliment cause I certainly missed the part where I am supposed to feel flattered.? Anyway, she was not exactly a deviant, a few other girls also treat me like a complete non-contender, gay friend type.

Like another time when I was with a friend who was like physically well-endowed if you get my drift. "Look at this photo my friend took of my boobs, don't you think it looks like someone's arse?". I may be dense I guess cause I certainly don't know how to answer that question.
Option A: "Its kind of grainy, why don't you let me look at the real thing so I am in a better position to comment."
Option B: "Hard to say, you got a photo of your arse?"
Option C: Stare and stare at the photo until she slaps me for being a pervert.
Option D: (The option I took) "Our bus is here, let's go. "

While we are on that subject, this other friend of mine once asked me out of the blue. Here's the conversation:
Girl (G): Among all of us girls, who do you think has the biggest breasts?
Slacker (S): Dunno la, you la you la.
G: You got see properly or not? No, no, don't see properly! Don't look ah!
(At this juncture suddenly she remembered I am still a 100% hetrosexual male I guess)
S: *Silence, remembering that G has a strong forehand*
G: Don't you think that A has the biggest breasts around?
S: No la, actually I never noticed that.
G: Serious, you go and take a good look than you will know what I mean.
S: You know, since you are asking for a comparison so you probably should provide a point of reference
*Bam!* The strong forehand comes into play.
Few days later.......
G: See, don't believe me lah! Look at her with that slingbag! Big right?"
S: *Silence*

I am not a prude or anything but I still believe that some subjects still are a bit awkward, even amongst close friends. To illustrate my point, once I called another girl friend and she didn't pick up. About an hour later she called back, "You were looking for me? I just had sex. Twice. " Too much information don't you think?

A guy told me, that being classified as a gay friend does have its advantages, like the girl will probably let her guard down so you can move in for the kill. Ya rite, heard this from a good friend of mine (who in case is reading this, I am not interested in you, you know that) "Please lah, I could never like you, you are like my jie mei (sister). I am not into homosexuality!" Well then, that seems to refute that statement, completely.

Of course, there are two sides to every coin. Because you are like their gay friend, they don't really give two hoots about maintaining their image in front of you. This works to your advantage in certain areas actually:

1) You get better advice.
"Don't treat women too nice, they will take you for granted. I am a classic example of that"

2) Women give their honest opinions, even to the extent of being brutal.
"I think you got 20% chance of succeeding (in wooing her friend). Very good already hor, initially I thought you have absolutely no chance at all!"

3) They help you spot pretty girls.
"Don't turn back immediately, the girl behind you is very chio!"

4) They don't expect you to pay for them.
"Please lah, not as if you are interested in me. Conserve your bullets."

You be the judge.

Slacker