Submissive wife, happy marriage?

I came across this article in Today a few days ago. At that point in time I felt like penning my thoughts but too tied up to write anything.

Of course being a non-participant in the sacred institution of marriage, I am far from an authority on this subject but that is not going to stop me from voicing my two cents worth. Statistically, divorce rates are on the rise. Over the same period non verifiable data would show that women are getting fiercer (okay, admittedly that was a cheap shot). Is women liberation then to blame for the collapse of marriage then?

My simple unqualified view is no, but that does not mean that I disagree with the statement regarding submission. Sounds like a self-contradiction? Let me explain myself. It is a matter of definition. My idea of a submissive woman is not a doormat that will shut up if her boyfriend or husband even raises her voice and has absolutely no opinion of her own. Rather, submission is simply yielding to authority, or the transference of authority. That is not synonymous to being inferior or in a weaker position; in fact it provides greater freedom.

Simple illustration to drive across my point:
Boy: Where do you want to eat tonight?
Girl: Up to you, you decide. (Submission)
Boy: Japanese food?
Girl: We had it yesterday. (Simple statement of fact, not challenge of authority)
Boy: How about Korean food?
Girl: Too oily. (Again, not violation of being submissive)
Boy: Why don’t you decide then?
Girl: Because you are the man.

If on the other hand,
Boy: Where do you want to eat tonight?
Girl: Up to you, you decide.
Boy: Japanese food?
Girl: Okay.
Boy: Oh, I forgot you hate Jap food.
Girl: You like can already, doesn’t matter.
This is not submission, it is complete surrender.

At the other end of the spectrum,
Boy: I want to eat Jap food.
Girl: We had it yesterday.
Boy: The bus stop is over there, you can go home if you don’t want to eat that.
This would be a total MCP.

I believe in every relationship, both parties are equally important. Just because the male is the decision maker and the authority does not mean that he can lord over his partner. Being the head of the household simply means that more responsibilities are thrust his way and it is his duty to make sure the decision pleases the parties involved. Just like the Prime Minister is the head of the country, but the President still has veto powers and important decisions have to be endorsed by a Parlimentary majority.

Desperation

Lately, more and more friends are asking me if I am desperate nowadays. One or two I would think they are mad but the ratio seems to be increasing, to a disturbing level actually. I wonder what have I done to perpetrate this impression. In fact, on the contrary I think at no other stage of my life have I been more 'bo chap' than now in this respect. Of course no doubt my radar is more attuned than before and I think I test my perfect eyesight more and more nowadays. No question, but beyond the simple glance the furthest I ever venture is a stare. Okay, maybe my stare may not be exactly the most subtle thing in the world but anyway.......

Back to the point, I think over the past 3 years I have not exactly done anything of note in this aspect. In fact, my cousin accused of being too 'nuah' to even chase skirts. I don't exactly concur but I have yet to raise a credible defense. I was asking a dear friend of mine why I had little progress in this aspect. Her reply was simply this: Can't be bothered - then cant help u. but sometimes, it's abt meeting someone u're interested in then can be bothered right? so i don't blame u if u're not finding anyone interested in to be bothered with at all!

Perhaps, that is the case. Which begs the question, am I really so choosy I can't find anyone to be the least bit bothered with. As I was having lunch with a like-minded friend (an increasingly rare breed these days), we concluded that we were both still hung up on someone such that our vision is for lack of a better word, impaired. For example, if you set your sights on owning a Honda Integra Type R, you would not be bothered with a Toyota Celica even though they are in the same class. Or even a CRV even though they are both Hondas as they suit a different market altogether. Either you get the Integra Type R or it takes perhaps a Porsche 911 for you to accept a different car altogether. Something like that, kinda lousy analogy, anyway most girls I know will be offended to be compared to a car so.........


The above will probably be my idea of a 911, haha. Anyway my friends think I am a total geek because I tell them that videogames have a higher babe count than reality.

Again I digress. After all that is said and done, for the past three years I think I have been wallowing in a pool of self-deception. A chance encounter today just awoke me. I didn't have the courage to finish what I started which is why I am still circling around the same questions, virtually the same scenario each day for the past three years.

Watch this space as I plan my next course of action. Wish me luck

Slacker

Which Singapore blogger are you?

Congratulations Slacker, you are...

'PoiPoi' Apple Lim of verypoisonouslady.blogspot.com

You look like a stereotypical bimbo outside but its a different story inside. You're a nice, simple, proud and straightforward person who believes what you're doing is right. You don't change people, and you love them for who they are. Your primary goal in life is to be happy, next to being pretty. You have your detractors but you don't let them bring you down. You go out of your way to help others out even before they ask, and for that they love you.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

Me and my final fantasy

This post is not about some wild manic fantasy I have with some chio babe, rather its about my fascination with Squaresoft's (now Square Enix) masterpiece. It all started when I was in university around 6-7 years ago, my friend told me he was no longer playing his PS and gave it to me. Have been hearing some of my friends talk about Final Fantasy VII for sometime so I decided to try that for starters. I was not disappointed, from the moment Cloud Strife jumped off the train, it sucked me in. I was totally floored by the gripping story line, characterization and enchanting music.
The game was really fascinating and I felt as though I was another character in it. Role-playing games finally became my thing. All throughout, the thrill of getting raw materias, the wonderment of new characters, the pain of losing Aerith and the sheer joy of defeating Sephiroth. Thus began my love affair with Final Fantasy, which incidentally lasted longer than any of my other love affairs.


When I finished FFVII, I was begging for more. And I replayed it after my friend pointed out that I did not get the Knights of the Round Table materia (sacriledge I know!). Still with an average of 20 hours per day, even a more meticulous second round did not last me for that long. Thank goodness FFVIII came out. Lots of my friends hated FFVIII because the characterization was somewhat lacking. It didn't help that Squall came across as a complete jerk. Personally, I enjoyed it although the battle system was kind of skewed. Because you wanted to conserve your spells that you had junctioned, you wound up not using much magic.


I longed for the good old days of RPG when magic users were smart wimps and fighters were dumb musclemen. The world soon got it in Final Fantasy's swansong for the PS- FFIX. I may be an oddity but this was my favourite Final Fantasy, the mood is generally more light-hearted and the character development was better. Also, characters are also like a page out of Final Fantasy Tactic's job system. Vivi is the typical black mage who is useless in close combat, Steiner is your tank who can't cast a spell to save his life, Garnet is your white mage who keeps you healthy on so on.
So battle strategy was more important than previous FFs where Squall could kill anyone with his limit break and the other two guys are basically there to revive him.

FFX was also a real joy to behold, being the first FF on the PS2, it showcased breathtaking graphics and the interesting battle grid system. Also, it introduced the world to Rikku, arguably the cutest FF or any videogame character ever. A close second would be Yuffie from FFVII.
FFX also had the laundry list of FF's strengths and fans and critics alike were delighted.

FFXI was Square Enix's first foray into the MMORPG world and was a huge success particularly in Japan.

Square Enix introduced another first, the first direct sequel in the series, FFX-2. Check out the difference between the two Rikkus, a sassier, sexier version I think.

Now I am holding my breath for FFXII, due to be out this year. Hope no further delays!! *Fingers crossed*

Slacker

Civic Hatchback

honda
Originally uploaded by Slackandrelack.

I think this is a criminally overlooked car, at least in Singapore. I have always been a Honda fan, especially of the Civic. I remember once I went to the Kah Motors Showroom and asked the guy why they didn't bring in Civic hatchbacks anymore.
His answer? "Dunno la, but must be something wrong with them la, other wise where got people got money dun wanna earn one?".
Personally I think there is something wrong with him, the Civic Hatch is possibly the best balance of performance, style and affordability. Although I think this incarnation the body is a tad too long, not as sleek as before, but I think passengers will appreciate the rear legroom.
Too bad we can only get the parallel imports.

Age

Time really flies. No question about it. Last thing I remember is I was just a geeky secondary school student who wanted to be the greatest guitarist in the world (incidentally I sucked and the only reason no one says I suck now is because I have not touched a guitar for the past 8 years or so) and now I am 27, at the crossroads of my life. Actually, no lah, a clearer path in my life has emerged than it has ever done so in the past.

Anyway, I feel I have aged a lot, particular in my university years. When I was 18, attendants were still checking my ic before admitting me to arcades (in case you are not as bo liao as me, the legal age for arcade admission during school hours is 16). All the way until I was 20, I had to show my IC when I bought cigarettes or alcohol. At that point, I thought I was an extreme annoyance and wished that I look older to avoid all this hassle.

Like they say, beware what you wish for......... I think particularly in my final year in my uni days I aged a lot. Of course that was the period of my life I had a bottle of Martell in my room most of the time and drank before sleeping. Over that year I think I aged a lot. Even when I was going into night spots where the minimum admission age was 23 or even 25, I don't recall being checked.

After starting work, I think the situation worsen. When I was 24 or so, once I was going home late after a date or something in cab, the cab driver was chatting with me and all of a sudden asked me "Li gui e kia? i.e. How many children do you have?". HELLO??? How many children do you think I could possibly have. How old do you think I look? Then I sulked home in silence refusing to talk with him.

Another cab driver was more subtle I guess but had an equally devastating effect.
Cabbie: Are you married?
Slacker: Nope....
C: No hurry lah, you are still young........ thirty one or two right?
S: No lah! I am 24!
*Cabbie was genuinely shocked and stared into the rear view mirror*
Awkward silence ensued......

Another lady customer I met when I was still in banking really has the subtlety of a Sherman Tank:
Lady to son: Boy boy, don't run around, wait uncle scold you!
Slacker (trying to make small talk): Don't call me uncle lah, I am only 25.
Lady *blink*: Oh my God! You must really learn to take care of yourself!
Suffice to say, I had lost complete interest in making that sale.

The list goes on forever, but many are common variations on this theme:
Girl: How old are you?
Slacker: Make a guess....
G: Thirty....... two?
S *Starts making a face*
G: Too young ah? Sorry, I usually give discount to be sure.

Oh well, that's life. My friend is recommending me SKII with Pitera or some crap like that to keep your skin soft and supple. At some point in time I had taken to wearing young looking t-shirts (like John Cena-word life) and over-length bermudas to look younger. Sometimes it works "Boy, school holiday now ah?", other times I get lambasted for trying to act cute. Nowadays I give up......

Slacker

Much ado about nothing

My friend was commenting that I had not posted anything new lately. I have no inspiration actually, I wrote a couple of posts which I thought was plain rubbish and decided not to write. Then again, one of my favourite shows used to be Seinfeld, which in essence is a show about nothing. So maybe something can be created out of nothing.

Of course one of the main reasons I have absolutely no inspiration is that nothing of significance occured lately. Of late, my life seems to revolve around work, bitching and oogling at girls. Speaking of the last point, even my office receptionist seems to know I have this problem. Cos every time I walk past her, I glance left to the other section where a really chio girl's (the subject matter for my previous post 'crushes') office is. So much so that she has taken to giving me an update on where the girl in question is. So last Saturday as I was going downstairs, the recept said "Aiyah, you just missed her, she went downstairs just a few seconds ago!". Just to entertain her, I pretended I was in a rush for the lift. So anyway when I went downstairs I saw her talking on the phone and all. As I was contemplating my move (usually that's all I do), this huge monstrous dog came from behind the pillar and I jumped. Literally. It was like a cross breed between a dog and a wolverine and a grizzly bear. Why do people like such huge dogs? They must eat an entire lamb everyday for starters and proceed to the buffalo for the main course. Suffice to say, I slinked away to avoid being spotted by her in my pathetic petrified state.

Anyway, today I meet an old friend for lunch. We haven't really sat down and have lunch for like........ half a million years it seems. And we used to be like the best of friends. His mother remembers me, my mum remembers him and so on. Anyway, as we were talking, he asked if I remembered when we fought in Sec Two and things were never quite the same ever again. I certainly remember the fight, not lest because I came on top but I digress. Anyway, neither of us could recall what was the incident that caused the fight, we suspect its a girl but the only girl that both of us were ever interested in came in the picture two years later I think. But its a real pity, I think we still get along well in spite not having met for like an eternity. Perhaps if either one of us put in more effort to keep in contact as opposed to chasing skirts we would still be great buddies and all. I kind of wonder if its too late, after all he is getting married next month and usually married men have different priorities.

Funny thing is, like a previous post I wrote, I never really took the effort to meet up with friends. In fact, since three years ago, I don't think I put in any real effort even in chasing skirts. I am now really 'nuah' in this aspect, sometimes I feel like going out, other times I rather stay at home with my PC & PS2. In fact my idea of a perfect time of male bonding is my buddies coming over my house to play some Winning Eleven. Conversely a perfect date to me is at home watching DVDs. Of course now that my dad is perpetually showing me a black face, the outside world looks cool.

Friends I am truly grateful for

Dunno why I suddenly felt like posting this list, but I just thought of thanking the friends I am truly grateful to God for, for being there for me through the darkest periods of my life. In no order of merit, just a VERY short summary:

1) Mr RWYH for being there for me when it counts and my most reliable banker
2) Capt ASSH for understanding me
3) Ms JYLL for your patience and encouragement
4) Mr RG for your company and your time
5) Mr LTKB for your patience and guidance
6) Ms BYYL for lending me a listening ear and my best advisor and putting up with more of my nonsense all those years
7) Mr TTKS for coming through when i need you
8) Mr JYCG for never totally leaving my life though it was easy
9) Mr JKYS for helping me pull through my teenage rebellion years
10) Ms IHPG for your understanding and your kindness
11) Mr DCKX for bringing me to church for the first time
and of course
12) Ms CMJ/TMC thank you for being you, no other words do u justice!

A big THANK YOU to all of you! Can't imagine my life if we never knew each other. If I have not been meeting you as much as I would have liked, its probably my fault for being lazy.

Slacker

Choice and compromise

I remember a couple of years back, me and an ex-colleague were slacking during a lull period at work. So he asked me what I deemed important in choosing a partner. So I told him of paramount importance was communication and chemistry, no point getting a Alyssa Milano lookalike if you find it a chore communicating with her. The question he asked me next stuck in my mind all these years.
Ex-colleague: "So if you find this girl whom you really get along well with, finish each other's sentences, blah blah, you totally love her company and on top of that looks like Alyssa Milano, but for some personal reason you absolutely refuses to shave her armpit, what will you do?"
Slacker: "Huh? Where got this kind of nonsense? I dunno lah!"
E-C: "Okay, she has bad breath, or body odour or long leg hair!"
S: "You are disgusting! Not so suay one la!"
E-C: See! What rubbish about communication, you mind all these superficial stuffs!

So he was pushing the envelope but undeniably, I think at the end of the day men do mind the image their partners potray. No doubt there are unrealistic men out there who want their partners to look like some supermodel, the Next Big Thing material but even the most pragmatic of men would mind girls with such quirks.

For example shoes. Just like girls would not like their men to wear flip-flops with smart casual wear like banglas men would have some preference for their woman's shoes I think. Like your girl is wearing a skirt, and she pairs it off with some ankle-length boots or something, its kind of grating. Not mortal, but bothersome nonetheless. Not that I am some vain creature who dresses like I am going for a GQ photo shoot but its courtesy to your partner to dress properly I suppose. Discussion with my guy friends yields that I am not some deviant or anything. Not that we want vain, self-centered women or anything like that but both men and women should be image conscious, not striking, but not strikingly bad either.

Hair is another point of contention. I admit, I am vain in this aspect. I visit a hairstylist that works by appointment only. I never venture more than 1km away from my house without gel in my hair. If I am caught in the rain and my gel is completely gone, I will buy a new bottle before going anyway. This is me. Now by no means do I expect my partner to follow suit, but its nice to run your fingers through someone's hair if your fingers are not going to be tangled in it. Or hold your partner close and smell the fragrance of her hair rejuvenating your entire being. Or just see the shine of her hair when you walk in the sun. Not essential, but it would be nice.

Fragrances and clothes are also common gripes of men. I can almost hear some women saying "but he should like me for who I am!". Well, I think its kind of like a hardware and software issue. Guys may like the hardware i.e. personality, brains, looks etc but still if the software can be easily installed, why not?

Personally, I try to look my best when I go to work or on an important date. This does not mean that I will go all out like going for facial, going to Expressions/gym, going for plastic surgery or putting on make-up (cos I am a guy) etc. Even if I am satisified with my own looks, I will still want to potray the best image I can. This includes shaving, putting on perfume, trimming my nose hair, cutting my nails, matching my clothes, shining my shoes and the like. In fact, when I have a nail-cutter in the office to make sure my nails are trimmed before going to important meetings. This is a form of respect to my clients or colleagues because such things distract people. Like the Austin Powers movie, Goldmember, Mike Myer's character was so distracted by the hairy mole on the 'mole' (informer) that he kept dwelling on it. I too believe that certains little details may distract others, so I try to eliminate that as a form of respect.

I remember a long time ago, my friend sent a topless picture of Claudia Schiffer to me. She looks like a mouse without make-up. I am a strong believer of make-up, not that I believe in deceit but make-up really does wonders. So does clothes. If you can look your best with just a little bit of effort, why not?
In fact, some times little things like this could be a difference maker. Just like the opening analogy my ex-colleague gave me, certain quirks are potential show stoppers I think. Certain guys may be particular to certain things. Like if a guy and a girl can get along very well, its a shame that certain non irreversible issues end up stopping them. Its not that the guy is shallow or picky, but some guys are just particular.

Maybe the fault lies with the guy, but if the software can be changed, why not? Like if I ever meet someone whom I totally connect with and she is very disturbed by certain habits of mine that can be rectified, why not? For example, my preference for not wearing a watch. If she is disturbed by that because I keep asking the time or its a sign that I do not value punctuality etc, what is the issue. Or if she hates guys who wear checkered shirts, I think these are mere details. As long as it is easily rectified, why let such things stand in the way?

Slacker

Being Gay

A girl friend once asked me "You know why we get along so well?". "Er, because I am witty and charming?" "Haha, no lah, seriously. Cos I know there's no way I will fall in love with you! Its like you are my gay best friend or something!" Okay, was that a compliment cause I certainly missed the part where I am supposed to feel flattered.? Anyway, she was not exactly a deviant, a few other girls also treat me like a complete non-contender, gay friend type.

Like another time when I was with a friend who was like physically well-endowed if you get my drift. "Look at this photo my friend took of my boobs, don't you think it looks like someone's arse?". I may be dense I guess cause I certainly don't know how to answer that question.
Option A: "Its kind of grainy, why don't you let me look at the real thing so I am in a better position to comment."
Option B: "Hard to say, you got a photo of your arse?"
Option C: Stare and stare at the photo until she slaps me for being a pervert.
Option D: (The option I took) "Our bus is here, let's go. "

While we are on that subject, this other friend of mine once asked me out of the blue. Here's the conversation:
Girl (G): Among all of us girls, who do you think has the biggest breasts?
Slacker (S): Dunno la, you la you la.
G: You got see properly or not? No, no, don't see properly! Don't look ah!
(At this juncture suddenly she remembered I am still a 100% hetrosexual male I guess)
S: *Silence, remembering that G has a strong forehand*
G: Don't you think that A has the biggest breasts around?
S: No la, actually I never noticed that.
G: Serious, you go and take a good look than you will know what I mean.
S: You know, since you are asking for a comparison so you probably should provide a point of reference
*Bam!* The strong forehand comes into play.
Few days later.......
G: See, don't believe me lah! Look at her with that slingbag! Big right?"
S: *Silence*

I am not a prude or anything but I still believe that some subjects still are a bit awkward, even amongst close friends. To illustrate my point, once I called another girl friend and she didn't pick up. About an hour later she called back, "You were looking for me? I just had sex. Twice. " Too much information don't you think?

A guy told me, that being classified as a gay friend does have its advantages, like the girl will probably let her guard down so you can move in for the kill. Ya rite, heard this from a good friend of mine (who in case is reading this, I am not interested in you, you know that) "Please lah, I could never like you, you are like my jie mei (sister). I am not into homosexuality!" Well then, that seems to refute that statement, completely.

Of course, there are two sides to every coin. Because you are like their gay friend, they don't really give two hoots about maintaining their image in front of you. This works to your advantage in certain areas actually:

1) You get better advice.
"Don't treat women too nice, they will take you for granted. I am a classic example of that"

2) Women give their honest opinions, even to the extent of being brutal.
"I think you got 20% chance of succeeding (in wooing her friend). Very good already hor, initially I thought you have absolutely no chance at all!"

3) They help you spot pretty girls.
"Don't turn back immediately, the girl behind you is very chio!"

4) They don't expect you to pay for them.
"Please lah, not as if you are interested in me. Conserve your bullets."

You be the judge.

Slacker

Expectations and Beyond

Sometimes, life throws you unexpected bonuses when you least expect I think. For example rascalrus wrote about meeting a pretty gal at some wedding. I wager while he would not have expected it, it was an unexpected yet in no way unwelcome turn of events.

Just last Friday, I went clubbing for the first time in a long long while for some 'un-rejectable' reason. Generally, I would conveniently find some excuse cause I no longer have the energy nor the inclination to go clubbing any more. Once in a while, I know it will be unbecoming of me to turn the request down, like in this instance.

So I went. The moment I stepped in, me and another friend were already discussing how to make our exit rapidly and gracefully. That was until she came.

Well, not that HER but another her. My friend immediately moved with the agility of a panther and the cunning of a rattlesnake. No further talk of leaving early. In fact, not much talk about anything from my friend either. I have seen Olympic sprinters move slower than him. Talk about predatory instincts, vultures have got nothing on this kid.

Anyway, being long accustomed to it, I continued my intimate tete-a-tete with my Martell, steadying myself for a long night ahead. Of course, I was keeping myself entertained watching Casanova at work, with the poise and composure of a snake charmer. If he is in insurance, he would have made the Million Dollar Club easily based on what I saw.

Then she came. Yup, this time it was the right 'she'. Anyway, it must have been the lighting cos I didn't notice her initially. Until I was seated down beside her at the table our mutual friend reserved then I sensed her presence. Anyway, I didn't attempt to break the ice first, she did. Not exactly, she just slid her friend's handbag in my direction and asked me if she could leave it in front of me. Lightning never strikes twice, if I didn't grab that chance to make conversation, I should be struck. Besides, even in that ear-drum damaging environment, her voice was as distinct as a soprano.

So we talked a bit. Not as much as I would like actually. To be fair, I would have liked to talk for hours upon hours. Of course, that kinda environment is not exactly conducive to conversation so......... Okay, so I am making excuses, I am chicken-shit, period. Lets move on. I supposed at very least I should have done enough to leave an impression on her.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, if you want to be technical, its really to end a short story. That was it, after some time before I steadied myself to talk further, she left abruptly after a couple of hours. From my perspective that is, any departure would have been abrupt to me. So I was left there high and dry, thankfully, soon after, so was my friend. So it was time to go home.

So there it was, there was a feeling of unfulfilment, incompletion, of what could have been. Okay, realistically WHAT ELSE could have POSSIBLY happened? Anyway, no point in whining, exchanging a few short sentences does beat not having met before, right? It was after all, an unexpected bonus to an activity I have never really relished before. So life's like that I guess, someone comes along and really makes your day(night) and you are left asking for more. Talk about greed right?

Like you strike Group 2 in Toto and you lament missing out on Group 1 by one miserable number. Hello? You are already better off than 99% of the punter community. Of course, there is next mon/thurs to look forward to for Toto, some things in life, miss and thats it.

Slacker

A Dream Job

As i was watching TV mobile today, I saw my dream job. Being a judge on Jue2 Dui4 Superstar. Usually people have to pay to be that entertained, let alone being paid.

As they showed some of the auditions, its really hilarious! Judge to contestant: "You go makeover still look like this ah!" She only stopped short of saying the contestant should ask for a refund. Another judge commented on the image of a contestant (to be fair he did look like Kurt Cobain except for the hair color) but its a pity I didn't hear what she said clearly. TV mobile, what do you expect?

Think of it this way, you get to make people do silly stuff and they don't get to talk back, you run down people with complete disregard for their self-respect and no one needs to know whether you are any better. On top of that you get paid. Its like being a teacher, except you can't cane the contestants no matter how rude they are.

Who can forget Simon from American Idol, the role model for all these people? "You can't sing you can't dance, what do you have to say for yourself?". "Last year I called someone the worst singer in America, you may quite possibly be the worst singer in the world based on that performance.". What a caustic vicious individual and he is like super highly paid. Oh course, he puts up with a bit worse, getting splashed with water, being told "You can kiss my black a@#!" and stuff like that. In spite of that, I don't think he would trade it for any other job in the world.

Oh, you also get propositioned by contestants. Or so tabloids in America would have you believe. Scandalous yes, but unless its perpetually Ruben Studdard types, its not really an occupational hazard to most people.

One may argue its really painful to go through some of these auditions. Yes it is, but you don't need to hide it. Its not as if you are listening to your colleague's corny jokes and you have to pretend its Seinfeld quality stuff in order not to offend him. Or worse, there are some guys who will repeat their joke if you don't laugh cause they think you don't understand it, thats why you are not laughing. That is more painful than listening to someone butcher "Lemon Tree" or something when you can cut him or her off and proceed to methodically disect his or her performance.

Unless of course some judges actually get injured by a disgruntled contestant, we may well see more and more people aspiring to do that. Even if I am planning a career switch, I have to take a number, maybe larger than the number of cows in New Zealand.

Slacker
slackandrelack@gmail.com

Mama

Just now my mum saw me in front of the PC and said "please don't look for a girlfriend online"! Goodness! What have i done to send out such a ridiculous notion? Besides the fact that i keep looking at people's photos in their blogs that is, but yuan1 wang3 ah! I don't IRC, I hardly even MSN, I don't even remember what is my friendster account! To the online community, I know this is sacrilegious.

Anyway, I sense what she is going to say when she is in her nagging mood. "Why don't you find some nice Christian girl at your church instead of looking at all these photos on the net?"

Nice Christian girls do not like ah bengs like me. Ah lians do not like guys who ask them to go home early on Saturday nights so they will not miss church on Sunday morning. Nice Christian girls do not like guys who bitch. Woman who bitch do not like guys who bitch in a capacity other than bitch-mate, like jie-mei kinda thing. I could go on and on but you get the idea.

Anyway, if i tell my mum that, she will start to tell me I am superficial and I like anorexic self-absorbed women who will make lousy wives who can't cook to save their lives. Anyway, how many women nowadays know how to cook? When I ask my girl friends this question, some indignantly reply that they do.

Sure, everyone can cook, just like everyone can sing. Whether its palatable is another question. Sure, I can sing, but when I do so in Karaokes with my friends, they either go to the toilet, amuse themselves with their handphones or talk loudly amongst themselves in an attempt to cover up my screeching.

Anyway, sometimes I give up when she is nagging on this topic. I will tell my mum that I will leave it in her hands, she can match make for me if she wants. Then she will tell me "You think I am very anxious, I already have a grandson and grand-daughther, I don't have to depend on you". That usually ends the discussion and i can buy myself more time.

Dunno how long will I last until she really takes me up on the challenge.
slacker
slackandrelack@gmail.com

Live and let live

In case anyone really reads this blog more than once, I have deleted all my Dragon-themed posts. As the title of this post suggests, i should not harbor so much bitterness and hatred in me. Maybe I just came from church and all. Could also be I came across a rather meaningful blog http://lyn.petisa.net/blogger.html
Using blogs as an evangelistic tool, its an interesting medium. Most of the blogs I come across either consists of sexual themed post, banal meaningless details of the blogger's life which interest absolutely no one, or bitter senseless bitching like what I did with the Dragon saga.

Of course with an address like slackerloafer, expectations are kinda different I would presume. Of course the least I can do is not to bitch, excessively. So, there you have it, no more dragons.

Another point to note, my friend reminded me that there are some elements of the past that still plague me. Like I was bitten by a dog as a child, if the painful memory is not obscured, it should be a black Alsatian like dog. Since then, my emotions towards dogs range from irritation to disgust to paralyzing fear. For the last category, have you seen the size of some huge monstrous dogs some people keep? I rather bump into Jack the Ripper at night than these beings. Why do people keep dogs the size of a Yeti or something? How much do those things eat? Do you need a tim sum trolley to transport their dinner out?

Another case in point, teachers. I hated teachers since I was a child and I realize possibly because of my previous experiences I am still remarkably prejudiced against them. As my friend reminded me, I was not exactly a model student in school but I was not exactly the stuff that teacher's nightmares were made of. To elaborate further, I am not a docile, roll-over and play dead kind of student, i push my luck with my hair length, punctuality etc. And I was never challenging for top honours in school. Yet I never got into fights, play pranks on teachers, play truant and the like. And I got decent grades during my 'O's and 'A's (good enough to get me to the course I wanted) though my Uni grades were quite horrific, especially in the final year.

Yet my teachers treated like the very scum of the earth. One teacher commented that I would never amount to anything in life. The only basis I can think of for him making this statement is it takes one to know one. Maybe when I am pushing 50, and my career has been stagnant for two decades, I will resort to destroying children's self-confidence to build mine.

To give you an idea of how warped this teacher in question is, he once showed me a newspaper cutting that showed the photos of 2 bank robbers or some other petty criminal. Then he declared that I am going to be just like that bugger because his hair style was similar to mine. Great reasoning right? I mean I was absolutely floored at that logic. Wonderful, dogs breathe. Humans breathe. Therefore dogs are humans and humans are dogs.

Of course its really unfair of me to discredit the entire teaching industry just because of some black sheep like that. Life goes on I guess, live and let live.

"forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"

Though I lack the natural grace not to harbour any bitter thoughts in me, i would not want to be judged as the unforgiving servant Jesus talks about. As the Lord has been merciful to me, so should i be to others in my life. Without the grace of God, I know I probably will carry a lot of baggage with me to the grave.

I guess letting go of past hurts is never easy. Forgiveness is even worse. That's why we all need a saviour and a redeemer.

Slacker
slackandrelack@gmail.com

I dreamt a dream

The title sounds like something from a musical, I think Les Miserables maybe. Anyway, i had this weird dream one day, kind of poignant and strangely haunting.

Its like i was watching this drama show on television and it was from an entirely third person narrative. I watched as this guy went about his own business, trekking in the snow, hunting. And he stays in this log cabin on some icy mountain somewhere. From the moment he leaves the house, his breakfast is ready and waiting for him. Coming home at the end of the day, the water is hot and steaming waiting for him. (At that point in time i didn't really question the logic of someone bathing after being in the snow) The next morning, the same routine sets him except he went to collect his tools from the storeroom or something. At that juncture he finds the corpse of his wife who has been dead for more than 24 hours. (Again there is a gap in the logic as i have no idea how a hunter can ever estimate the time of death in greater detail than 'recently' or 'a long time ago')

Anyway, my point of contention is simply this. The hunter never noticed his wife's disappearance until a long time later simply because all he wanted from her was there waiting for him.

Are we all like that? I mean do you ever realise that there are no taxis on the road when you need one unless you woke up late and you are supposed to start work half an hour ago? Or do you realize that there is no toilet paper unless you have rushed into the toilet with your pants down already.

More specifically, do you notice the people around you unless they are not there to fulfil what you perceive as their role in their lives? For example, if you are an average employee do you notice the accounts clerk is not around unless you need your claims reimbursed. Or the IT personnel is actually on leave when your PC crashes. Maybe in the working environment that's more acceptable since its a mutually dependent relationship. No dependence no relationship.

What about our social lives? I was scrolling through my phonebook the other day and i realize some of the long dormant numbers i have are actually some of the greatest people i know.

Like my classmate from JC, i never thought about calling him until i saw his face in a magazine. And this is a guy whom i was really close with in school. Maybe the fact that we moved houses and changed our telephones had something to do with but when we met up after a 5 years hiatus, we talked as though we still see each other everyday. Then somehow it just fades. And than he tells me he is getting married 4 years later and we meet up. The bond is evidently still there but some how we never saw each other for another year until the picture in the magazine came up.

Or my university friend. We used to hang out at each other's rooms cause we were in the same hostel all the time. Back then M1 SMS was free so we sent each other close to 30 SMSes each day. And we never ran out of things to say to each other. And since graduation, we hardly met. Although its never awkward when we meet and chat, some how meeting up just doesn't come naturally.

Are we just so caught up in our everyday pursuit that simple values like friendship and bonding seems so difficult? Evidently i am not THAT busy since i still have time to write silly posts and all but why am i not meeting up with old friends?

Its really kind of depressing that all the old friends i really cared about, unless they have been in constant contact with me through their efforts rather than mine, odds are all that remains are either memories or an unused entry in my phonebook.

Is it that difficult to pick up the phone and say "how are you doing? lets catch up this week"? How often do you bump into an old friend on the street exchange numbers and promise to call each other for coffee or something? Very often i imagine. How often do you actually meet the guy, next to never? I thought so.

Life is so transient i guess.

slackandrelack@gmail.com
Slacker

Crushes

Dunno why i suddenly felt inspired to write about this. It seems like the stuff that adolescents talk about, not not-so-young adults like myself. Anyway, who cares, everyone is entitled to their own little bout of fantasy right? Besides, i am not THAT far from teenage.

More to the point, sometimes, you just meet someone who for some inexplicable reason just causes your heart to race uncontrollably and all sense of reason departs. I always consider it a silly form of expression "my heart beat so fast i could hear it" until like around 2 months ago, i met this girl near my office whom, yup you got it, caused my heart to thump so hard and fast i could really feel my heart beating.

Which is silly. Period. Though our offices are like next to each other and periodically we bump into each other, what on earth do you think will come out of it? She is like....... unattainable. Haha, so i did write some rubbish on my thoughts of this. But, reality check. I am not the smooth/casanova type to walk up to her with some pick-up line whatever and just ask her for her number. Never happened before. Don't think things are going to change any time this century.

Anyway, back to this crush thing. Its not exactly a crush strictly, i mean i don't really anticipate anything to come out of this. Just its kind of fun to have something to break the monotony of working. Like you have something to look forward to other than payday, just the chance occurence of bumping into her. Like when we were in school, crushes were as common as acne at that age. You have this crush on your classmate and you would never want to miss a day at school, even if you are sick. Or if she happens to go to the same lecture as you, even if it is some ridiculously dry topic like quantum physics or organic chemistry, you would rather eat bitter gourd than to skip the lecture. Of course let not dwell on the details regarding how much of the lecture you actually absorbed.

So even when we are out in the work force, crushes may not seem completely out of place. Just like we should always just maintain a little innocence from the time when the four Heavenly Kings (Michael Jackson, hahaha) were (was) still popular (ok, i should find another analogy), like staying over at a buddy's house and just bitch, playing silly pranks on your friends and making fun of irritants like dragon lady (haha, not going let a chance go by without taking a swipe at her) .......... and having a harmless crush on someone who does not even know you exist.

Slacker
slackandrelack@gmail.com

Being superficial

Since someone wrote about this, so should i. Okay, a lot of people also write about having sex in the car or the woods or the stairwell in their office building, i am not about to do that. I have a good imagination, but not that good. Anyway, back to the point about being superficial. Its an accusation that has been hurled my way since like the beginning of time, the dawn of the ages, when policemen still wear shorts; lately i have also directed this comment at a couple of my friends, one who took to writing it in his blog.

Anyway, if the definition of being superficial is having preferences for pretty girls, then yes, without the shadow of a doubt i am superficial. I mean i do prefer Cecilia Cheung over Joey Yung, Angelina Jolie over Helena Bonham Carter (in Planet of the Apes) and so on. On the streets, my eyes to gravitate to chiobu-s automatically (unless at the point in time i am already with one), i do prefer watching movies or drama serials with certain actresses who aren't likely to win an Academy Award or a Golden Horse any time soon in them. Yes, i will freely admit that such individuals would capture my attention.

Whether it will hold its a different issue altogether. Have you ever met a girl who is like the sort that will make your knees weak, cause you to speak softly etc etc until you go out with her like twice and realize you completely run out of things to say to you. And all she has to say is like "that's nice" or "oh, that's so bad" or "you are so mean, hee hee". Suddenly she doesn't seem so attractive any more does she? Or the other extreme, same kind of drop dead good looks and she is like punk sore at the whole world. Curses like a sailor after half a barrel of beer. Launches into a tirade against the whole world including her ****** of a boss, ******* of a ex-boyfriend, ********* nagging machine of a mother etc etc. Attractive, personally i beg to differ. Or imagine if dragon lady looks like Michelle Reis (which incidentally she doesn't, Michelle Reis does not have a flat nose), would you be attracted to her?

Yet on the flipside, there are girls who at first sight has a face that is best described as 'forgettable', like you seen her a million times on the streets before but you can't be sure cause you never took a second look before. Then by some chance occurence, you are thrust into a situation where you have plenty of opportunities to interact with her. And increasingly the forgettable face develops an unforgettable personality and the forgettable face forms a deeper impression in you. Each time you talk, the conversation is more deeply etched into you than the cursory nonsense you exchange with that Rene Liu lookalike or whoever.

Yet at the end of the day, will i be genuinely attracted to a 200 pound gorrilla if she has a heart like mother teresa and florence nightingale and a personality as interesting and magnetic as xxx? I hope the day will never come when i am forced to make that choice.

Slacker
slackerandrelack@gmail.com

Unattainable

Unattainable, someone used this to describe this girl whom i had a crush on. To add insult to injury, she told it to a third party but i am not about to launch into a tirade about her social behavior.

In any case, does such a situation exist? Meaning what? The girl is deemed to be beyond a guy? Okay, i accept that in countless situations the phrase "its impossible between the two of us" does hold water. However, that is not quite what unattainable means i expect. It seems to entail a gap between the two, intellectual level, social status, 'quality', income level etc. Does all of the above really disqualify two persons from being together?

More to the point, i could see where she was coming from, the girl in question was like the most popular girl around, both because of her bubbly personality as well as her endearing good looks. Me, i don't even want to post my photos on my blog. Okay, i didn't post photos cos i wanted to keep my identity secret, at least from dragon lady (who mysteriously keeps popping up in my posts) but why dwell on the details.

Anyway, back to the unattainable comment. If you hold it strictly against the context the statement was originally made it is no longer relevant i have long accepted it is impossible between the two of us. Yet the question remains, can anyone be really unattainable for another?

How often do you see really gorgeous ladies walking down Orchard Road hand in hand with shabbily attired non-lookers or vice-versa? I imagine the answer is "all the time" unless you don't walk down Orchard Road at all. Or increasingly, you hear of guys whose wives have more successful careers than them. Even, sacrilegious as it sounds to some people, wives who are more highly educated than their husbands.

Does it all matter at the end of the day? Once upon a time, a woman's pride is her husband's career. A man's pride is his wife's appearance. Most people will tell you those days are gone, along with horse carriages, slavery and Michael Jackson's career.

Hmmm, i don't really have a conclusion to this. Just shooting my mouth (pen/keyboard) off i suppose.

Slacker

Disappointment

Define disappointment.

How about this, its the feeling you get when you see this really gorgeous gal, the kind that you would stop dead in your tracks, back track and in the most discreet manner you can possibly muster: stare hard at. There she is sitting at Borders reading a book in a manner that belies a quiet confident intelligence mind beneath that holy shrine of a face. Looks perfectly at ease in stark contrast to your heart which is like thumping as though you just took steriods or something. You try to gulp down that lump in your throat to move in for the kill (okay, i am perpetually too chicken to do something remotely resembling that). And bam! You see the title of the book she is reading: Preparation for motherhood.

Okay, you could argue that she is reading for knowledge, but would you read some title like for example Dealing with menopause, Impotency: The last frontier?, Coping with Infidelity etc, just for the fun of it? Contrary to popular opinion, i believe there is such a thing as too much knowledege. Case in point: details of your parent's courtship. My mum told me it was love at first sight for her and my dad. She never got any further than that cos i immediately complained about the weather and told her i was going to bathe.

Anyway, i digress. Back to the point, lately the only women I find attractive are a) pregnant b) sporting a ring on the wrong finger c) holding the hands of a guy other than myself (whom more often than not looks like Danny Devito or Dr Evil d) all of the above. The only recent deviation to the norm is Ms Preparation-for-motherhood.

Such is life. The last words of the early 20th or issit 19th century Australian bandit Ned Kelly before he was ultimately hanged. I find myself spouting different variations of that statement lately. Is that a sign of resignation? Or is it a statement of defiance? Life works in curious ways i guess.

Slacker

Genesis

Ok, its kinda weird to have such a title . Can't think of anything else, i wanted to put "My virgin post" but my fren beat me to it. So it was either Genesis, Alpha, Episode I or Pilot episode. So creativity is not exactly my virtue, bite me.
Anyway, what on earth do i have to talk about? Hmm, maybe its just the week that transpired. Hmmm, okay, absolutely nothing eventful occured apart from work. Maybe i should think abt getting a life. Perhaps its easier to plaster this whole thing with pics, but then again most of my pics look like hideous.
Anyway, have you ever had this feeling life goes around in cycles? Example, boozing: U feel as though u need a drink, u tell urself just a couple won't hurt, u drink more than a couple, u drink more than u should, u drink like a buffalo, u puke like nobody's business, u feel like total crap and u swear u will never drink again, then u wake up in the morning telling urself u will nvr drink again, couple of days later, u feel as though u need a drink and so on.
Ok, not exactly a sterling example. I will try some thing else. Like u swear that u will tell this girl to fly kite cos u are tired to pandering to her, catering to her EVERY whim and fancy. But each time u posts her latest request, u move heaven and earth to get it done. Nothing changes subsequently and u feel like a complete moron. Then things are dormant until the next request and the cycle repeats. Only thing that changes each time is u feel increasingly depressed with each passing cycle. Downward spiral.
Ok, so this is not exactly a positive start to things, so sue me. Dunno why it wound out being this way, but i guess this just came to my mind. Maybe it just struck me i am going around in circles. Skirting around the same point. Then again, such is life. My fren told me that this is my fate.
Hmm...... Till next time

Slacker