Choice and compromise

I remember a couple of years back, me and an ex-colleague were slacking during a lull period at work. So he asked me what I deemed important in choosing a partner. So I told him of paramount importance was communication and chemistry, no point getting a Alyssa Milano lookalike if you find it a chore communicating with her. The question he asked me next stuck in my mind all these years.
Ex-colleague: "So if you find this girl whom you really get along well with, finish each other's sentences, blah blah, you totally love her company and on top of that looks like Alyssa Milano, but for some personal reason you absolutely refuses to shave her armpit, what will you do?"
Slacker: "Huh? Where got this kind of nonsense? I dunno lah!"
E-C: "Okay, she has bad breath, or body odour or long leg hair!"
S: "You are disgusting! Not so suay one la!"
E-C: See! What rubbish about communication, you mind all these superficial stuffs!

So he was pushing the envelope but undeniably, I think at the end of the day men do mind the image their partners potray. No doubt there are unrealistic men out there who want their partners to look like some supermodel, the Next Big Thing material but even the most pragmatic of men would mind girls with such quirks.

For example shoes. Just like girls would not like their men to wear flip-flops with smart casual wear like banglas men would have some preference for their woman's shoes I think. Like your girl is wearing a skirt, and she pairs it off with some ankle-length boots or something, its kind of grating. Not mortal, but bothersome nonetheless. Not that I am some vain creature who dresses like I am going for a GQ photo shoot but its courtesy to your partner to dress properly I suppose. Discussion with my guy friends yields that I am not some deviant or anything. Not that we want vain, self-centered women or anything like that but both men and women should be image conscious, not striking, but not strikingly bad either.

Hair is another point of contention. I admit, I am vain in this aspect. I visit a hairstylist that works by appointment only. I never venture more than 1km away from my house without gel in my hair. If I am caught in the rain and my gel is completely gone, I will buy a new bottle before going anyway. This is me. Now by no means do I expect my partner to follow suit, but its nice to run your fingers through someone's hair if your fingers are not going to be tangled in it. Or hold your partner close and smell the fragrance of her hair rejuvenating your entire being. Or just see the shine of her hair when you walk in the sun. Not essential, but it would be nice.

Fragrances and clothes are also common gripes of men. I can almost hear some women saying "but he should like me for who I am!". Well, I think its kind of like a hardware and software issue. Guys may like the hardware i.e. personality, brains, looks etc but still if the software can be easily installed, why not?

Personally, I try to look my best when I go to work or on an important date. This does not mean that I will go all out like going for facial, going to Expressions/gym, going for plastic surgery or putting on make-up (cos I am a guy) etc. Even if I am satisified with my own looks, I will still want to potray the best image I can. This includes shaving, putting on perfume, trimming my nose hair, cutting my nails, matching my clothes, shining my shoes and the like. In fact, when I have a nail-cutter in the office to make sure my nails are trimmed before going to important meetings. This is a form of respect to my clients or colleagues because such things distract people. Like the Austin Powers movie, Goldmember, Mike Myer's character was so distracted by the hairy mole on the 'mole' (informer) that he kept dwelling on it. I too believe that certains little details may distract others, so I try to eliminate that as a form of respect.

I remember a long time ago, my friend sent a topless picture of Claudia Schiffer to me. She looks like a mouse without make-up. I am a strong believer of make-up, not that I believe in deceit but make-up really does wonders. So does clothes. If you can look your best with just a little bit of effort, why not?
In fact, some times little things like this could be a difference maker. Just like the opening analogy my ex-colleague gave me, certain quirks are potential show stoppers I think. Certain guys may be particular to certain things. Like if a guy and a girl can get along very well, its a shame that certain non irreversible issues end up stopping them. Its not that the guy is shallow or picky, but some guys are just particular.

Maybe the fault lies with the guy, but if the software can be changed, why not? Like if I ever meet someone whom I totally connect with and she is very disturbed by certain habits of mine that can be rectified, why not? For example, my preference for not wearing a watch. If she is disturbed by that because I keep asking the time or its a sign that I do not value punctuality etc, what is the issue. Or if she hates guys who wear checkered shirts, I think these are mere details. As long as it is easily rectified, why let such things stand in the way?

Slacker