Things I will never understand

Not one associated with humility, it is rare that I will concede defeat unequivocally. Very rare indeed. Yet, this post is about the phenomenons that I must unconditionally accept my complete ignorance of and total inability to fathom. Here it goes in no particular order of merit


1) Why woman view their involvement in their friends' weddings as integral and indispensable? Does it matter they have ABSOLUTELY nothing to wear? Define nothing to wear, you mean they have been running around stark naked daily? Does it matter whether they look fat? I mean if its their wedding well and fine but they are part of the guests list, along with a few hundred other people, all eyes are going to be on the bride and groom, no? Case in point, when my best friend had his ROM a few months back, I went swimming in the morning and the only preparation I made was to iron an EXISTING shirt. Of course, I am a bit of an extreme case since I still managed to be late on this extremely sacred day, :p

2) Why are woman always right?
When they criticise you, they are being truthful, when you criticise them, you are being mean.

When they tell you what to do, they are showing concern, when you tell then what to do, you are overbearing.

When they are ignore you, they are busy (saving the world), when you ignore them, you are throwing a tantrum.

When they refuse to help you, they are teaching you independence, when you refuse to help them, you are a selfish pig.

When they don't pay attention to you, they have other weightier issues on their minds, when you don't pay attention to you, you are an insensitive pig.

When they are late, they are tied up with other commitments, when you are late, you are a thoughtless pig.

When they criticise your friends, they are helping you to steer away from bad company, when you criticise their friends, you are a judgemental pig.

When they dismiss your suggestions, your suggestions sucks, when you dismiss their suggestions, you are critical pig.

When they interrupt your conversation midway, there is some grandiose scheme behind it which basically is for your own good, when you interrupt their conversation midway, oh God have mercy on you, you pig.

When they band together against you, they are exercising gender loyalty, when you band together with other suffering men against them, all men are pigs.

Which brings me to the third mystery.....

3) Why are all men labeled as pigs?
'nuff said

4) Why do women have boundless reserves of energy for shopping?
The same feet that are killing them miraculously transform into well-oiled machines of extra-ordinary power and durability when the life giving four letters "S-A-L-E" bound together to form that word of inexplicable power. Eternity is not long enough for them and enough cumulative distance to challenge a marathon runner are but mere details. In heels no less.

5) Why are women's problems always a life threatening crisis and men's problems insignificant?
If you need me to explain this, you probably don't know any women other than your mother.

6) Why am I writing this when I know it will invariably increase the possibility of me dying alone?
One word: time
Too much of it