My shattered dreams

Right of the bat, this is not as melancholic as the title suggest. Rather, as I watched the Fantastic Four last Sat, I suddenly recalled some of the childhood/teenhood dreams I had that will never come to pass.
When I was in primary school, I wanted to be a wrestler. That was the era of Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. Of course it was also the era when I truly believed in that the my Christmas presents came from Santa Claus and all that. Anyway, I thought it would be really cool to be a wrestler cause they seemed to do really breathtaking stunts and suffer unbelievable punishment and yet take it like a man. It seems to be the coolest job in the world, okay, everyone has a past. Don't despise me.






Then, when I also toyed with the idea of being an X-men. It seemed so cool to be a mutant with superpowers and all. My favourite character was Gambit cause he seems to be the coolest. Even though his powers kind of sucked compared with say Storm or Cyclops, his debonair persona and bad-boy image caused him to be my role model. I always loved his smooth talking and on-off romance with Rogue. Needless to say, I was disappointed when the X-men movies failed to include him even though they found space for losers like Pyro or Nightshadow. Anyway, I would dream of kinetically charging the chalk such that it would explode in my Chinese teacher's face when she touched it. Such was the innocence of youth, haha.






One of my long standing fantasies was to be a Godfather. I always thought the persona created by Mario Puzo was really the epitome of cool-ness. Like a man's man.
"It's not personal, its strictly business."
"I will make him an offer he can't refuse."
It is like uber-man! Even though Al Pacino looked a little wimpy in a fight and Marlon Brando looked like he can fight as well as Mohamad Ali NOW, these were the ultimate anti-heroes.








At some point in my life, I took a more Asian variant of the above dream. I dreamt of being a 'ku wat chai' or triad member. Inspired by the 'Young & Dangerous' series, its a very man's thing.
Loyalty, brotherhood, trust and sacrifice, it embodies the core values of being a man. I think most Chinese males my generation love this series, even though towards the end it was a little stale.
Chen Hao Nam, Shan Kai, Tai Tian Yi, Pou Pi and Jiao Pi. I know of countless people my generation who call each other by the above nicknames in honour of the show.




One of my more 'realistic' dreams was to be a rock star. That was the era when I listened to Van Halen, Pearl Jam, Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins and the like. I would dream of being a guitarist like a modern day cross between Jimi Hendrix and Cream era Eric Clapton. Of course, I lacked any talent whatsoever but when you are young and idealistic, you never really realise your limitations. If you don't believe me just watch the auditions of 'Singapore Idol'.
Anyway, back then I would play my guitar everyday and wonder why I was not making any progress. I think the concept of talent was foreign to me then but I dreamt of being the next Eddie Van Halen and perform during Loolalapooza.

Nowadays, I just find these kind of music too loud for my taste. Apart from a couple of 3 Doors Down songs, I have no inkling what do people play nowadays, having mellowed significantly, the 'heaviest' music I listen to is Mayday and F.I.R.
Another silly fantasy I had was to be a street racer. My close friends would snigger at this thought since I am well-known to be a lousy driver. I always wanted to drive a modified parallel import like a Skyline or MRS. Of course, any car is incomplete without neon lights! The only time I get to indulge this fantasy is when I am playing Ridge Racer, Need for Speed et al. I even have a steering wheel to further this fantasy but sadly the only driving skills I exhibit is on the Playstation 2. Drifting in Dolby 5.1 surround is an out of the world experience but if I did that in reality, I think I would have a heart attack. Hey, I never denied I am chicken-shit!

The only remaining fantasy that I have any chance of fulfiling is to own a Honda Integra. I think its the ultimate realistic car to own. Even I am honest enough to admit by the time I can possibly afford a Ferrari or something like that, I would look ridiculous in it. Lau beng, lau hiao, lao tian zhen!


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